the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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