i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
