ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
