my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
