That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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