I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
