Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
