I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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