Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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