and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
