I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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