I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize