the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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