I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
