I'm lost and stupid without you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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