Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
