Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Someone shattered a urinal.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
