i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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