she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
