my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
