have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In America we eat man semen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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