I'm gonna have a badass scar
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
