i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
