so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
