taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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