It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
