This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
