I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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