I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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