i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize