please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
