First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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