walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize