new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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