btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
