so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
