What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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