i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
