I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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