I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
