I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
