woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You made out with two different species that night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
