Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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