too bad you live with your parents still
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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