I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
