every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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