I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
