who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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