you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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