The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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