Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
