Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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