I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
