this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
