party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
