he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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