Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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