I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We need to rekindle our bromance
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
