She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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