White coat. Heels.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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