I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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