***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
