you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
