It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
