Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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