who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
