just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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