What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
