Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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